JAPAN 2008  Directed by: Akira Hirose Cast: Yoichi Matsuda, Sasa Handa, Ryo Akanishi, Lulu Anoa, Mina Asa

Originally released in Japan as OPPAI CHANBARA (“Breast Chanbara”) the movie recently found its way to the western hemisphere, relabeled as CHANBARA STRIPTEASE.

I didn’t expect too much from “the makers of CHANBARA BEAUTY”, but CHANBARA STRIPTEASE is underwhelming even by their standards. The plot, dealing with a young woman inheriting mystical martial arts techniques from her family and being sent back in time to ancient Japan does its job to deliver an excuse for what’s supposed to follow, the issue is that nothing’s following, at least not what most fans out there would expect from a questionable masterpiece like this.

Apart from the key characters flashing their breasts now and then CHANBARA STRIPTEASE lacks the ingredients most Japanese slam-bang genre flicks are famous for. There is little to zero violence (and if, then it’s mostly happening off-screen), almost no noticeable special effects, a very rudimental cast dressed in ridiculous costumes and an enormous absence of choreography. CHANBARA STRIPTEASE is free of cinematic qualities, instead it’s borderline amateurish.

What once was supposed to be action, gore and black humor is now replaced by silliness. CHANBARA STRIPTEASE may very well be one of the silliest flicks of its kind, but that doesn’t mean it’s funny, or entertaining. Quite the opposite: despite its 60 something minutes it’s a drag to watch, no breast in the universe can compensate you for the tedious script, acting and direction.

So whatever you expect from a movie like this, the “creators of whatsoever” or a title like CHANBARA STRIPTEASE, you’re not going to find it here. CHANBARA STRIPTEASE is not a film, it’s a vacuum. Go and look elsewhere.